If this letter is opened by Hermit Crab #2, please pass it over to your cell roommate.

Dear Hermit Crab #1,

The management of this establishment understands your desire to seek open lands and free space, but this behaviour cannot, and will not, be tolerated.

Your escape attempt yesterday, although well timed, was not very well planned.  I have a couple of questions…

Were your seven hours of freedom worth the shock and pain of a 4′ fall from the desk of my son?

Once you made it to the floor, where were you going to go?

How were you planning to eat or drink after your escape?

I understand that since you escaped by the desk of an eight year old, there was a good chance that you were going to discover a few morsels of food scattered about the floor, but I was able to find these items and throw them away before you could get to them.

Although I was impressed by the speed in which you managed to vanish, your escapades caused me hours of work and my family hours of distress.  

The events that led to the possibility of your escape attempt, are similar to the events that will ultimately lead to your untimely demise.  My oldest son, and your primary care giver, can get distracted, especially when “exercising” you and your roommate.    There is also an excitable four year old running around the house.   She is in a “clumsy stage” of her life now and she appears to share her mothers’ “tunnel vision” and inability adapt to ever changing conditions of our surroundings.

Should you make it to the carpet again, these would be words that I would expect to hear after hearing a loud C-R-U-N-C-H,   ”How was I supposed to know that there was a hermit crab on the floor?”

Trust me, your tank is really the safest place for you.

I was never in favor of your arrival, but my spouse is trying to teach some Life Science lessons during homeschool and convinced me that this would be both a good opportunity to teach some life science and responsibility at the same time.  My counter argument was fivefold…

1.  Froggie (no name)

2.  Greenie (Frog #2)

3.  Fishie #1

4.  Fishie #2

5.  Fishie #3

I realize that your final fate on this earth will have the same result as the five previous tank pets/science lessons, but your escape attempts cannot be tolerated.

Any further attempts will result in your transfer from the Life Science Department directly to the Biology Lab!

Thank you for your attention to this matter. 

Management